We'll all be watching Bloomberg's party
Mike Bloomberg is going to a party on tomorrow.
The party's in Oklahoma, and ex-Sen. David Boren will be there. So will ex-Sen. Sam Nunn. And soon-to-be-ex-Sen. Chuck Hagel. And ex-New Jersey Gov. Christie Whitman. She's always fun at parties.
Notice a pattern here?
Bottoms up! It's the Has-Beens and the Billionaire!
"Unity '08," the gathering is being called, and no one who needs to make a living in Politics As Usual can possibly afford to turn up.
But after too many years of governmental paralysis, these political veterans have had it up to here. Today's divisiveness, they say, is downright crippling. The two-party system may be irretrievably broken. Doesn't there have to be a better way?
These aren't just code words, Christie Whitman swears, for drafting Mike Bloomberg to run for president. Oklahoma is "purely an effort to shatter the political gridlock that prevents the passage of legislation that is good for America," she says.
Sounds sensible, right?
Now a quick show of hands, please: Besides the New York mayor - the current one - how many experienced American officeholders might be willing to spend a billion dollars from their own bank accounts to run for president this year? And if you can think of any, how many of those have already been registered a Republican, Democrat and Independent?
Hi, Mike.
So other than liking Bloomberg and tossing around nice expressions like "ending gridlock," what can we exact from Unity '08?
It all gets vague right there.
Knowing something's broken isn't the same as knowing how to fix it. And the history of these down-the-middle third-way attempts - from Ross Perot to John Anderson and before - have often sounded better on paper than they've done on Election Day.
But hope springs eternal in Oklahoma, same as it does in Washington. And no one can say this early how Mike Bloomberg might fit in.
Is he Perot with a better grip on sanity? Is he Nader with a fatter checkbook? Or is he the real-deal visionary who doesn't just see the roadblocks - he understands intuitively how to swerve around them?
"I'm not in the business of handicapping," the mayor shrugged on Friday.
America will be watching, as the Has-Beens and the Billionaire assemble on the range.
It's Mike's, if he wants it.
Which is true, come to think of it, of most things in life for free-spending billionaires.
RUDY'S FIRST STAND: Skipping Iowa made some sense. Too many evangelicals for his brand of Republicanism. But why did "America's mayor" give the cold shoulder to independent-minded New Hampshire? At some point, doesn't the man have to win some actual votes?
ELLIS' BOOK CLUB: Now that Marty's been freed, who else will be charged with killing the Tankleffs? In an up-close-and-personal account, ex-Newsdayer Rick Firstman and private eye Jay Salpeter will vividly detail the twisted evidence in Long Island's most disturbing mom-and-dad murder case. What a triumphal ending Rick and Jay (and Marty) just got! But could there still be more? Book is slated for fall.
ASKED AND UNANSWERED: What exactly was Roger Clemens injecting? Sure wasn't sodium pentothal. ... Is "home confinement" really the right term for David Brooks' current living situation? How 'bout "pied-a-terre confinement?" You knew the high-living fraud defendant, now out on $400 million bond, wouldn't be awaiting trial in a fifth-floor walk-up - or, God forbid, a jail cell ... What becomes of Jay Leno's Writers Guild of America membership card? His striking scribes say the back-at-work stand-up isn't being very stand-up to them ... Is the hoodie now the Official Outerwear of the Fashion-Conscious Bank Robber? That holdup man at the North Fork branch in Nesconset obviously thinks so ... Where's the William Levitt of today, building homes that middle-class people can actually afford (without sub-prime mortgages)? ... Congrats and all to New Year's baby Jes Keegan, born 12:01 a.m. at Stony Brook. But really, wouldn't two minutes earlier have given her folks a nice dependent deduction on their '07 taxes? ... Does "Entourage" star (and Patchogue-bred Islanders fan) Kevin Connolly have a cool life - or what? Lately, Kev's been hanging with hockey great Mike Bossy, scoring for the United Way of Long Island ... Was Andrew Cuomo stretching his jurisdiction just a little when he raised objections to the playoff-ticket policies of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers? Not even the Giants come from New York ... Dodd's done, Biden's done - and Richardson detects a groundswell? Anyone hear it but him? ... What do you mean 15 minutes of fame? Amy Fisher's sex tape is everywhere, 15 YEARS after her sordid spotlight time had supposedly expired ... What does Donald mean by "going green" at Trump-on-the-Ocean? Is it (a) green as in environmentally friendly? Or (b) green as in very, very, very profitable - to him? This being Donald, I'm betting (b) ... A million dollars in allegedly false purchase orders? Is that the kind of openness and honesty Oyster Bay school officials are hoping their students will learn? ... Is this really what the foodie future holds for 2008? Gourmet children's cuisine? Shut up, kid, and eat your mac-and-cheese!
THE REAL CANDIDATES
1 Holy Hucka-zoom!
2 O-mama!
3 Rude-y!
4 Pill-ery!
5 Mitt-witt!
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