Randy Terrill on Lou Dobbs, and Ed Kelly Hair LOL

Lawmaker Praises Ed Kelley’s Brilliant Analysis,
“Awesome Hair”
(Parody)

OKLAHOMA CITY – A state lawmaker today praised Ed Kelley, editor of The Oklahoman, for providing “the kind of analysis you won’t get anywhere else, ever. Seriously. You’re not going to hear anyone else say the stuff he does, not even on YouTube, a chat board, or scrawled on a bathroom wall.”

“Just because a man apparently spends most of his waking hours filming ‘video commentaries’ like a high-tech Ted Kaczynski updating his manifesto, some people are inclined to dismiss his statements as ‘rants’ or ‘early stage Alzheimer’s,’” said state Rep. Randy Terrill, R-Moore. “But not me. You’ve got to give it up for a guy with such awesome helmet hair.”

In a recent video commentary posted at newsok.com, Kelley and his unmoving hair said expanded welfare benefits “make sense for any woman” whether she’s an illegal immigrant or a resident of the super-wealthy suburb of Nichols Hills.

“Critics might think folks living in million-dollar Nichols Hills mansions should pay for their own health care, but those people clearly aren’t giving Ed Kelley’s awesome hair the respect it deserves,” Terrill said. “A man whose hairdo doesn’t give in to gravity, wind or other forces of nature cannot be held to the standards of ‘logic’ and ‘reason.’”

In another video, Kelley criticized thousands of Oklahoma citizens and church leaders for rallying at the state Capitol in support of state Rep. Sally Kern and in opposition to radical homosexual activists. In that commentary, Kelley also complained that Terrill “rammed” an omnibus anti-illegal immigration law “down the throats” of Oklahomans. That legislation, House Bill 1804, passed the Legislature with 125 votes in support and just 20 opposed.

“Some people – we call them ‘voters’ at the Capitol – see the overwhelming passage of a bill that continues to receive 80-plus percent support in polls as lawmakers responding to the will of the people,” Terrill said. “It took Ed Kelley and his hair to uncover the massive conspiracy, and he should be commended for it.”

In that same commentary, Kelley complained that lawmakers were wasting time on legislation that doesn’t amount to “a hill of beans,” such as the wildly popular proposal to make English the official language of state government.

Those interested in truly important issues can view Kelley’s commentaries alongside NewsOk videos, such as one on how to get “The Perfect Eyebrows” and a chat with an elephant trainer.

Terrill noted Kelley’s videos combine solid production values with a “crazy uncle locked in the attic aesthetic” that is only slightly destroyed by the off-frame sounds of cameramen apparently nodding off while Kelley drones on.

Terrill said Kelley has the potential to become “an Internet superstar, maybe as big as the fat dude who wears the Tron suit.”

“Just look at the guy’s schoolmarm glasses – that’s the sure sign he’s an ‘intellectual,” Terrill said. “If only Ed’s videos were seen by a larger audience than his family and Oklahoman employees who are contractually obligated to watch.”

Those interested can view Kelley’s “truly unique analysis, awesome hair and intimidating eyewear.”